Dear Semester,

You have dragged me through hell and back with all the reading, the papers, the sheer madness of what the instructors think that students should handle for one class...

So, listen up! I have a 9 abstracts, two book critiques, one term paper, a discussion, four tests and some key terms to finish in the next 14 days. Don't you dare throw any more crap at me until next semester or you will get no love.

Hell it is a miracle if I get out of this semester with my sanity in tact and grade that are at least passing.

I would like to be having a life back.

Sincerely over-worked,
Me.

I am a little slammed with end of term papers and projects at the moment. I am reading you all and will get with the comments and things soon.

But...

I'm gonna have to really enforce a week off the journaling services. I have to use what I have of my "holiday break" for getting a foothold before some of this stuff eats me alive. All days will be study days, with the exception of Thursday in which I stuff myself with free turkey and other om nom noms  at mom's house.

I hope you all have a good week. Keep up the good journaling. I will need some non-textbook reading for when I come back! ^_^ v

On my way home from the university,I have to drive down a busy freeway along with people zipping at speeds above the legal limit. Today, I took the slow lane, driving about 5 under the limit which is more relaxing to me...especially after nursing a headache for the majority of the day.

In front of me is a man on a red motorcycle with his longish hair flapping out of the back of his helmet. I think to myself that he must be really chilly, because it is autumn here and the temperatures are reflecting that.

I continue to follow him to my exit and he takes it too. At this time, I notice that he is wearing a red jacket. He turns left, I turn left.

He gets into the left lane, I get into the right so that I can make my turn on the next street at the stoplight. As we are both slowing down at the red light, I look over and see that he is wearing - a red fur Santa suit cuffed in white and complete with black boots and a real white beard.

Cue me looking at him out my window and smiling. I point when he notices me and say "SANTA!" through my window like some star-struck little kid filled with Christmas glee. He looks at me, smiles and waves. ^_^

We went our separate directions after that, but I am still smiling.

It's at those times when I just wish I had my camera with me!

I am so completely exhausted today. I have a low-level headache that refuses to go away. I am close to resorting to the excedrin that I have in my bag. I am also having issues with my eyes today. They are all watery and runny and gummy. It's gross. I just thank my lucky stars at this point that I am not wearing eye make-up for the amount of rubbing that I am doing on my eyes. Bleh.

Spoke to my history professor on my redirect for the term paper. Have narrowed the focus down to the Nanjing massacre and Unit 731. He feels that even that may be too much and suggests that I choose one or the other. If that is the case, I may have to go with Nanjing with a passing mention to Unit 731 as they go a bit hand in hand. I think I will make the final decision this weekend based on what I have found in my sources. I certainly have more information on Nanjing, I think. And I have just checked out two more sources from the university library - one of which I wanted a few weeks ago, but was already checked out. I win.

One more class today and then homeward I go. I'll make it.

Also, you'll remember that on Monday I had a test in history that I continued to stress over. Turns out that on the essay portion I received and "A" and the test portion, an "A-".

So, what is my problem?

See, I stress myself out unrealistically. Now if only I could figure out how to make myself stop that.

I sat down yesterday and planned out some things for handling schoolwork. Just seeing things written down is helping me understand the reality of what I have to do versus the OMG FLAIL of what I think I have to do. I have decided that I am only going to study until 6pm every daay and them put it away. This way I can have some semblance of an evening to watch a movie with Writer or read a book.

In doing this, I have started to calm down a little. I realize that not only I am stressing myself out, but I am making myself sick. So, I have to learn to handle this better. 

Writer did some wonderful things: I have been graced with fresh fruit at mealtimes, the laundry is being done, and I have a person to bounce term paper ideas off of. The little things...they help so much. I am starting to feel a little more balanced.

Now, these end of term assignments - wow! I am going to have to take them a little bit at a time.

First, I have a group project on Kashmir. I have decided to do my portion on the Kashmiri Pandits (the refugees). The violence done to them is akin to genocide and the pictures I keep running across are graphic.

Second, I decided back in September that I was going to write my term paper on the Second Sino-Japanese War, but the topic is huge and I have to narrow it down to something more manageable for a thesis. Silly me, I decided to tackle the Japanese war crimes of Nanjing and Unit 731. So, yeah, more violence...more small doses.

As if in response to my overload of graphic photographs, I have a kitteh on my desk. Hermen is good for a cuddle or two. ^_^

I will get to comments soon, but until then, thank you all for your suggestions on stress relief. I am looking into a few of your ideas and I'll let you know.

But, I am determined to have some "me-time" this week. I want a free day without the worry of school work and such. So, I am planning an outing for Friday or Saturday.

Now, here is where you come in. I would like each of you to give me between 1-5 things for a treasure hunt! It's been years since I have done one of these and I think it would be a good fun thing that focuses my mind on having some fun. 

Here's how I am going to play the treasure hunt:

1. You comment to me with 1-5 things to hunt down and find.
2. I take a picture of the thing and post "trophies" here in my journal for all to see.
3. If I am unable to find the things on the list, I will find a substitution.
4. I am allowed to interpret the things on the list in any way I see fit.

So, hit me with some items...send me on the hunt!

You guys, I think I am getting sick again and I think that stress has a lot to do with it. Seriously, I have been having these annoying headaches lately that could be due to eye-strain and stress (hello, I think my blood pressure is elevated). And now I am having gut issues along the lines of heartburn and well, let's just say that the bathroom is something I am starting to dread and fear.

I need some serious relaxation tips, so if you have any, please throw them out my way.

So, the stress (this is probably going to be some long rambling crap...)

Most of it is centered around school. I still have so much to do and so little time to get it done. I am hoping that over the holiday break I can play catch up, but you know I feel like I have no time for me. Even though this is highly unrealistic, it FEELS like it and that is a problem.

This weekend, I spent the majority of my time on homework. I got a summary and an essay knocked out and a little reading in. The essay is part of a take-home test and while I thought that I did very well on it at first, now I am starting to have doubts. It was almost refreshing to be in class today to hear that everyone had problems with the essay due to the 5 page limit and the amount of information that you had to include. But you know, I still worry. Then came the in-class test. I...think I did well? But again, I have doubts...

The thoughts just spin out of control. See, in my mind, in order to get scholarships to pay for school, I have o have this overwhelmingly high GPA. Currently I have a 3.66, am in the honors society and am holding  my own, but somehow that doesn't matter. I have to do better.

And you know, I know that  should go easy on myself. I have had a really tough few months. I mean, during this semester alone: sickness has been rampant in my house, my partner was laid off, we had to go on food assistance and unemployment, I have dealt with very loud antics from my neighbors, my partner has been fighting major depression, one of my cats died unexpectedly, I had issues with my financial aid that scared the heck out f me, my family has been having issues regarding my grandmother and her care, and I have not been sleeping very well. Also, my diet has turned to hell and I haven't been getting enough water...which to, can account for my headaches.

So, I should be a little easier on myself, you know? But I'm not. I could use a vacation, but can't afford it.

I could do without my body trying to get sick again. And it all goes back to stress.

Any tips...any at all? What do you do to relax when you are under stress? How do you stop the spinning thoughts and worry so that you actually enjoy the relaxing?

I'm listening.

- University is eating my lunch right now. Getting to the end of the term and a lot of final projects are going to be coming due - one of which I haven't quite started yet. This term has been particularly hard in that I have papers (sometimes two or three of them) due every week. Around the 4th week of the semester, I said to myself: "If I make it through this term, it will be a miracle." So far, no miracles, with the exception that I haven't come down with the swine flu. Seriously, my classes are down by almost half of their attendance!

-

- Also finished reading "Some Trouble With Cows: Making Sense of Conflict" by Beth Roy. It was an interesting and sometimes amusing read on the conflict between Hindus and Muslims in Bangladesh when the area was ruled by Pakistan. It shows that sometimes a very little misunderstanding in a between villagers can be blown completely out of proportion and also mirror the conflict of the political environment outside their small village. If you are interested in anthropology, the history of India, or social conflict then I recommend this book wholeheartedly. As with the above book, "War Without Mercy", feel free to ask me about it.

- Finally heard from financial aid. After much sweating, I do have money to go to school for the winter (don't know if I mentioned it or not). So, yay! And I am still planning on filling out some scholarship applications, including the CLS from the State Department. Maybe I will get really lucky or Fortune will smile down on me and I will be able to study abroad for free.

- Can you believe that I have already registered for winter classes? And you know, I am already excited about it which is hysterical since I haven't even finished this term and am so stressed out with school right now. But I am happy that I got the classes that I wanted and needed. No frivolous classes for me, folks - I am beyond serious about getting finished and out into the wide world of a career.

- So what's on deck for this weekend (my weekends start on Thursday and end Sunday)? Well, at least one essay, one summary, a lot of reading and a little studying. And hopefully a little bit of fun. Tonight is the blow off night with no studying in sight - Pizza and Ghost Hunters with Mythbusters at midnight! Ah, sweet relaxation with Writer.

Someday, I will get to all those comments I have, but tonight, tonight I have to chill out.

If you choose to use a public restroom, please put down the cellphone while you are doing your business. No one wants to hear you on the toilet - not the people you are speaking with nor the people in the next stall. That's just gross.

Also, it makes washing your hands somewhat difficult.

Pain is your body's way of telling you to slow down?

Yes, well, screw you body. I don't have time to slow down. I mean, come on, do you really have any idea how much stuff I have to do before I can take a break between semesters? Really, do you? Giving me Satan's own headache is not funny. Having demons dance all over my skullcap with pitchforks and spears to the music from the night on bald mountain is not going over well with me. Adding in the nausea is a cruel joke.

Five words: I hate you right now.

Seriously, couldn't this wait for another month so? I would have gladly let you come down with the flu again if you just waited until I was on break. But now? Now that deal is off.

F*** you,
Me

Abstracts/Summaries written: 5 done, 3 to go
Discussion assignments: 4 done, 3 to go
Book Critiques: 1 done, 4 to go
Essays: 1 done, 2 to go
Key Terms assignments: 4 done, 3 to go
Exams: 3 done, 5 to go
Quizzes: 4 done, 3 to go
Books left to read: 3 + 6 academic papers and a handful of PDFs
Term Project: 1 to go
Research Paper: 1 to go

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I am reading you all, but replying to you is a little patchy and for that, I apologize. I am just really swamped for the next month and a half as the term comes to a close. Hold down the forts until I get back? Let's just hope I come back somewhat sane. *flail hands*

So,  for a while, my grandmother (who is in her mid-80s) has been in and out of the hospital. It started when she fell in her kitchen and scrapped herself up pretty good. Since then she has claimed to have fallen in her apartment several times - each time ending up in the hospital.

It turns out that this was a lie. She had not fallen and she was just using the hospital to get attention from her family.

Okay, a little background. My grandmother has always been a little bit, no, scratch that...a lot manipulative. She has always been the first person to lay a guilt trip on somebody. It wouldn't matter how many times you visited with her or went over to see her, it would never be enough. And while you were visiting, you would be treated to all the gossip about everyone else - even people you didn't know. This talking behind other's back has cost her a friend that she had had for 25 years, but that is another story.

This leads to now, with her being in the hospital. While in the hospital she starts not only playing up the "can't walk" thing (yet refuses a wheelchair) but also starts telling falsehoods of neglect to the nursing staff. This leads to the staff calling in a caseworker from the state. She lied and said that her family never checks on her or visits her.

Grandma is assigned the caseworker and the woman calls all grandma's children (one being my mother). She tells my mother, my aunt and my uncle that grandma needs round the clock care and that they have 24 hours to figure out what to do with her.

Well, my aunt lives in a cramped trailer over 2 hours away, my mother is nursing a broken knee and is in the process of moving and my uncle - well, he has frickin' power of attorney over grandma, which is why he checks on her damn near ever day. But Grandma lied about people visiting her, so therefore the state thinks that the family is neglecting an old woman. This despite the fact that my uncle and my cousin, D, check on her on a daily basis and my other cousin, W, drives her around.

So, due to all her lies, she no longer can go back to her apartment. The apartment where she had a lot of freedom to do what she wanted to do and all the independence to do it.  Now, the state is going to send her right from the hospital to a nursing home. One in which she has to be signed in and signed out and they dictate the schedule.

Well, I hope that she is satisfied with what her lying has given her in the end. I am quite sure that it was not her expected outcome. I can just shake my head at the situation. She didn't want to go to a home when the family asked her before, and now, she will probably end up in the same one where she committed her own mother. Irony, this has it.

So, the moral of the story is: don't lie. See, people will find out and it will come back to bite you (even if it takes a while).  I wish I had sympathy for her, but knowing what a liar she is...it may seem awful of me, but I just don't.

I am sure the family can fight the state on the case of neglect to get her back into her apartment, but you know, she has so many of us burned out and just burned now, that I don't know how many of us give a damn. Hell, maybe in the nursing home she will have whatever she wants now - people who she can talk trash to about other people and the opportunity to bitch to us how she is being treated.  I hate to say it, but I don't recognize this woman any longer and I really don't like who she has become.

Maybe I am getting to old to be in school or something, but I wish that some people in my psychology class would grow up.

Now granted, this is a 100 level class (and it is a last minute elective for me), but you people are in college now...be adults.

For example: today in class we are talking about emotion, which also includes arousal and goes to the theories on sex and so forth. Some people are giggling behind me while talking to their friend about how men are whores and such.

Maybe I'm a hardass, but I am here to learn something. And the sad thing is that the professor can barely control the flow of conversation around these assholes.

*grrr*

/end ranty rant

Ended up being late for my history class today.

Decided to go to the restroom before sitting in class for 45 minutes, did my business and was washing my hands when I took note of a girl that was in the restroom when I arrived and was sort of huddled near a sink in the corner (when I came in, I assumed that she was fixing her make-up).

Between classes the restroom is usually bustling - women coming and going at lightning pace. And yet out of the ten or so women that were in the restroom at the time, I was the only one who looked at this poor girl and noted how unusual her behavior was. I asked her if she was alright to which she shook her head no.

Even after that exchange, the women cleared out of the restroom in quick order leaving only the young lady and myself.

Turns out that she went to blow her nose and acquired a nosebleed, but not just any nosebleed. This one was really gushing and wouldn't stop. She was crying and scared and bleeding all over the restroom. The paper towels that she was using were filling up very quickly, and I was concerned for her.

I got some basic information and told her that I would be right back that I would go get some help. I rushed to the Political Science department which is right across from the restroom and had them call public safety. Then I went back to her side to wait with her so that she wouldn't be afraid. It was all I could do, not having much medical knowledge but I felt good for doing it. Within about 5 minutes, they were there and able to attend to her.

I don't know what happened to this young lady after I left her, but I hope that she is alright. While waiting for public safety I told her that I wouldn't leave her until they got there and she made the mention that I was the only one who stopped to ask if she was okay and that she was very grateful. We chatted about how she had been sick with the swine flu and was just now getting back to classes and she was terrified to miss any more school. And most importantly, she was very scared about the fact that she couldn't get the nosebleed to stop and "what if it won't stop" and the prospect of having to go to the hospital. I admit that I was afraid for her too. I have never seen a nosebleed that bad.

But one thing that she said just caught me (in her words): "people were just walking around me. They wouldn't help me and I didn't know what to do." People could see the blood everywhere and they did nothing and I am ashamed for them.

Yes, I was late to class, but sometimes there are just more important things to attend to - like your fellow human beings. When I apologized to my professor after class, even he said that what I did was the right thing and in no way did I owe him an apology.

I feel a little sick that no one else wanted to take notice, but I am on top of the world for that little difference that I made to someone today.

Study study study - that's all I ever seem to do, however, I have a helper!

( Hermen helps me study... )

This was my fault. I left my book for two seconds (only, maybe longer...) with the highlighter with cap off wedged in the center of the book. But...isn't it funny?

( My paw, my paw!! )

And here are just some of the views of autumn around campus:

( ooh...pretty! )


Forgive the construction lines and trucks in a couple of the pictures. The are doing roof construction on one of the buildings which makes my class on the top floor a little interesting - especially when the workers drop something. 

Now, back to having a little random fun before I go back to classes tomorrow.

Thank you to everyone who expressed their condolences on the death of my kitty. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness.

I am moving on. It's been a week since his passing and the other cats in our house are doing fine. University is keeping me hopping, so it is a welcome distraction.

I do feel somewhat behind with all of the school work and projects that will be due in about 8 weeks. This means that I am a bit stressed out with everything. I know that it will all get done in a timely fashion, so I probably just perceive more hardship than I actually have. However, sometimes that perceived hardship can be worse on my nerves than the reality of it all.

I also feel like I am getting that cold back that Writer has. See, I gave it to her and I think she is giving it back. Revenge, I suppose. :) Cue my actions: take some vitamin C, immune boosting tea, airborne, garlic...yep, can't get any sicker, right now. Just can't afford it with all the stuff I have to do.

In other news, I have new additions to my flist, so a warm, friendly welcome to all of you. I look forward ti getting to know you.

Now, to go keel over.

Decided to bring one of my successful FFVII prompt challenge communities over from IJ. So, if anyone's interested in the ffvii100 , the profile is here and the first prompt is up.

You know, you all, I am so bogged down in reading right now that I have no time for me!

Tomorrow will be all reading all day starting with 30 some odd pages of War Without Mercy followed by a chapter of Pacific history, then a dabbling of psychology and pages 1-111 of the ethnography Some Trouble With Cows.

Also, I still have to wade through those PDFs on the tragedy of Kashmir and start reading all these library books for my paper on the second Sino-Japanese war.

This term is SO MUCH READING!!!

The good news though is that I finally got my hands on next terms course schedule and will be able to see an advisor and get my classes all picked out. I finally have enough credits to be considered a senior and therefore get preferential treatment for the classes need - meaning I get enrolled before all the others. I also have my sites set on a possible graduation date - if I can stay on course - maybe 2010 or early 2011, depending on a trip to Japan (possible next spring or fall, money depending) and whether I can get my classes narrowed down.

I only need 6 courses to complete my history degree and 7 courses to complete the anthropology degree. I do need to head down to the registrar's office and change my minor though. I have decided to add on International and Global Studies as it will marry both degrees together.

Now, all I have to worry about is the financial aid crap and where I am going to get the money to complete my degrees and voila! I'll be all set.

Now to get some much needed sleep so I can hit the books again tomorrow.


*Note to self: don't forget the psych research participation on Tuesday!

A student in the back of my Pacific World class was snoring as he slept through the lecture....loudly.

^^;;;

Might be scarcer than usual this next week as I try to implement a better study schedule.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful week! Take care of yourselves.